Every man you know is actually winging it. 

We’re all doing this for the first time. President Hakainde Hichilema, like the six men before him, had no experience being the final boss. Even the man dancing at a reception for his third marriage is doing it for the first time with that woman. And one thing about life? It shows when you think you know what you’re doing. 

None of us has been here before. Yet we’re supposed to have figured it all out when we have to raise a drug-addict child or provide for your family while struggling with chronic depression or grief.

There’s honestly no dress rehearsal in life.

The man you look up to for his success or down on for his failure has also had to do it for the first time. So why do we place this unrealistic pressure and weight of expectation on men to have it all figured out? 

It likely comes from our need to actually figure things out. Or the children’s school fees will not be paid. The thieves will finally break through the front door. Navigating how your daughter keeps getting dropped off in different vehicles every other day. And they’re not ma Honda Fit on Yango. Big machines. 

You see, all men are sitting in the same lecture room. Broke, childless, wealthy, fatherless, married, unwell, cheated on, alcoholic, balding, well-paid, amputated. No man is spared from experiencing life for the first time, every time.

All this, though, does not take away from one thing. It’s that we all know it but pretend not to.

There are things that we do over and over again. These are not first time experiences but we choose to repeat the habits or behaviours. Getting a K1, 000 every other Friday from the petty cash. Getting drunk and driving. Promoting juniors in exchange for sexual favours. 

These are not things that we’re winging. We know what we’re doing when we take one more drink, place one more bet or force ourselves on a child or woman.

But the truth is that every mam you know is winging it and if they tell you anything to the contrary, they’re lying to you. 

We don’t have it figured out. When we get our first job, it will be out first time. A man will lose his father only once. Get truly heartbroken by a woman in a way that will.cut deeper than any future lessons on Lusaka being for business. 

So we really need to give some room and support to the man who is doing his best. The one who has never raised a family before but keeps showing up all the time. 

The man who’s educating and feeding his children on a minimum wage. One in a wheelchair who’s going the distance with his vision for himself and his family. 

We tend to look at men as if they should have it all figured out. But when a man looks at his own father or other men who have gone before him, he’ll learn that all the mistakes and successes were just a man winging it.