Ba guy, just say congratulations 

When was the last time you were congratulated by your friends? As in, heartfelt encouragement for something you achieved. Forget about hearing it from their partners or children – men almost never hear a genuine word of congratulations because most times, men’s best wishes to each other are hidden in jokes and banter.

You can hear it when a man shows up at an event or friend’s house in a new car. It can be any car. A Hilux or Honda Fit. Instead of a mere ‘Congratulations, nice car” we soak our compliments in sarcasm or humor. 

“Ma relationships mu Lusaka are going to shake with this car” will be the comment as your friend opens the door to admire your new Range Rover. And you’ll laugh along. 

At a small, social event, a man will finally muster the courage to bring along his girlfriend to gently introduce her to his circle. She’ll be beautiful, well spoken and put together. 

“Mufana sumvela iwe. Where did you get this girl?” and everyone around the table will laugh. You’ll also join in because, well, that’s how we talk to each other. 

As a young man starting out, you’ll move into a rented flat or house and to celebrate, invite a few friends over. One of the guys will get out of his vehicle and laugh, “Please, we don’t want to see different girls here every weekend!” 

We don’t congratulate each other. Our best wishes are clothed in jokes, silly comments, playful opinions. Just never congratulations. 

And this is why you’re a lucky man when you have a circle of men who say things as they are. To hear opinions that are not sugar coated is a rare privilege for the modern man. 

But it is also an instructive lesson. 

If you do not hear words of encouragement from your circle, you are unlikely to hear constructive advice from it. And don’t get it wrong, your friends will be genuinely happy that you’ve found yourself a woman who you can build something special with. 

Their failure to simply say, “You’ve done well. She seems like a wonderful person to spend your life with” stems from our fear of sounding too invested. Lacking masculinity. It can be simpler, really. Sounding indifferent to each other’s success or good fortune is not masculine. It’s bad manners and undermines people’s efforts. 

Hearing genuine encouragement or congratulations from our boys helps us to reinforce our vision and goals. But we only hear the jokes about our success and wonder why men retreat and share nothing about their goals or achievements. 

Men these days have become so desensitized to hearing positive words from each other. The expectation is to hear a joke about something we’ve worked hard for.

Come on, it’s not that deep. Men talk like this all the time. Then why do words of encouragement or congratulations give any man so much pride?