You’re Not Angry. You’re a Man.

Now that you’re a grown man, there are things that seem to be circling back into your orbit. No, it’s not the ghastly return of cargo pants. It’s the way you’re becoming just like your father, uncle or grandfather. We men are all the same, aren’t we? 

A popular perception is that our fathers, uncles and guardians were humourless tyrants that only laughed and danced along with us when it suited them. They were generally angry men. 

They kept a ruthless distance away from us, our friends and the community because they were unfriendly and that’s how grown men were.

This wasn’t restricted to suburban Zambia. Miners’ children feared their father. Bus drivers’ children scampered into the township when daddy arrived. 

Fathers, grandfathers, uncles, guardians. You spoke to them when spoken to. Their laugh at your joke was a privilege accorded to few. Being a grown man looked a world away from the carefree joys of childhood.

Men seemed perpetually angry. Until now. 

You don’t want loud volume on the TV or someone’s phone when you’re home. You’re not angry. Your supplier contract hasn’t been signed for two weeks. It’s eating you and the sound of Mr Zimba latest monologue isn’t helping.

You’re not angry. You’re not distant. You’re a fully grown man navigating life without commercial breaks.

Your side chick has stopped picking your calls or answering your messages. She’s found a man to call her own. That’s why you’re shouting at competent staff in a mid-week management meeting. You’re not angry with them.

You’re not angry that the Honda Fit has cut into your lane without any courtesy. You’re frustrated that you’re driving to a workplace where your supervisor is incompetent and you get to do the work while they get the fat salary.

You’re not livid that your child is taking too long to bring you a glass of water. All those funny drinks and street aphrodisiacs you’ve been taking over the years have finally given you erectile dysfunction.

Even your fury directed at Manchester United is misplaced. It’s because the loan deductions on your salary is eating you alive. 

The reason you seem angry is not because your children are watching YouTube at ignorant volume or your wife won’t stop talking. The delayed contract, ex side chick, stagnant career, finances and erectile dysfunction are the problem, not the people you’re angry with. 

And as a man, you have to go to war with the soldiers who know the enemy. Our failing is taking everybody along for problems that only we are aware of. 

That’s the reason men seem so angry. Because they’re bleeding on people who didn’t cut them.