The Devil is in the Duality
Experts with PhDs framed on the walls of their homes or offices will tell you that opening up is one way of dealing with your problems head on and keeping the beast of self harm or suicide at bay.
We must open up as men about the things that are eating us alive. Talk to somebody. Let it all out. Communicate. Say something. Wa wa wa in the wa. Whatever’s clever.
But it’s not as straightforward as that, is it? There’s a saying “The devil is in the detail.” A closer look at this and you’ll agree that the devil is, actually in the duality of men.
You see, a man can lead a high-powered negotiation team and unlock a 55 million United States Dollars deal but go home and fail to tell his wife that her cooking could do with less salt.
Another can be a tyrannical husband and father but completely subservient to his supervisor once he walks into his place of work to a point where even when he’s right, he’ll never run the idea or numbers past his boss.
We have this immense capacity to lead double lives, in ways that are unfathomable to any living creature that is not a male human being.
Not the duality of having two or three widows that meet for the first time when we’re being buried. It’s in a way that we simply cannot maintain the same energy or decisive moves across everything that we do.
It stems from the flawed notion that we cannot multitask. In essence, we’re saying that men can only be singular creatures of habit.
Think about it. Why is it plausible in movies and books that every brilliant detective must have a struggling marriage or strained relationship with their children, all while bringing down a psychotic serial killer or drug lord?
Everywhere you look, we are presented with evidence that it is impossible to stand firm both in the boardroom and the bedroom. Why are we shortchanged to believe we cannot have balance as men?
To have a thriving business and good health. A good marriage and successful career. Money and commitment to a woman. Presidency and productivity. Talent and tenacity. A Mark X and normal driving sense.
The dumbing down of our ability to be more than one thing is why we end up choosing one battle over the other. That’s why we have amazing families but dysfunctional communities.
We cannot open up or talk about something because the duality of being a hard guy in the corporate space means we can’t be vulnerable in our friendships, marriages or relationships.
It means we choose to be happy around people but often sad and disappointed with ourselves.
