One Day You’ll Say “No”

The provision pandemic continues to fwemba the modern Zambian man by the shat. Society has seen a loophole in man’s role as provider and is unapologetic about having him on his toes to provide, even at the risk of his own wellbeing.

Go ahead. Say ‘No’ to the guys. Say you won’t make it for the usual drinks while Manchester United play live on Cartoon Network. You’ll be the bad guy. 

Not because you want to save some money or spend your Sunday planning your week ahead. You’re the bad guy because you have placed your personal growth over hours spent on drinks and platters. You must never choose yourself.

This is the thing. One day you’ll say “No” and you’ll understand that even men need to set up boundaries because there are limits to provision. To be everywhere is to be nowhere. 

There is your role as a provider and there’s spreading yourself thin on every slice of brown bread ya black tax, family, side chicks, and friends. And the slices will keep coming. 

For as long as you do not know your limitations, you will find yourself feeding porridge to your side chick’s grandmother in her hospital bed. 

You cannot put on the provider hat as you please. It is permanently attached to your head. 

That’s why you choose what to prioritize as a provider. To protect your wellbeing, marriage, finances, business, health, career and time. 

The obvious, agricultural thought is that if you have the money and means, then why not? 

But providing is a lot more than finances. Today’s man is expected to provide both the money and spousal bliss by also pushing the trolley in the supermarket. Our fathers provided the money and watched the 19hrs Main News. 

He cannot simply have money to contribute to the funeral, he must also ferry the tent, chairs and mealie meal. Because he’s a man and he’s a provider at any given time. Fair play.

But when you find yourself abandoning your own pursuits and time to show up wherever you’re asked to, your role as a provider becomes taxing. You are sacrificing the little things like personal time to escort a former cabinet minister to court every week. While your work suffers. 

But one day you’ll say “No”. And that’s when you’ll be the selfish one. One day you won’t pick up a phone call and suddenly, your money has made you arrogant and you’ve changed. 

One day you’ll not send money for a committee and you’ll be none of the few friends when times are tough. You’ll have a meeting to attend and you’ll be ‘too corporate for us’. 

That’s the problem with saying yes all the time and one day realizing that you’ve given too much of yourself. It will paint you as the selfish, arrogant man but at least people will know you can’t be relied on and you must live with that too.