What If You Don’t Die First?
Men tend to die first. That’s why they’re implored to have a will that determines the aftermath of their demise. This anomaly has us focused so much on how we should plan for our loved ones when we’re gone. Men never consider the alternative.
The possibility that it is not us, but our partner, who might go before we do. We only anticipate the predictability of passing on first and our widow left to pick up the pieces of our chaos or the warm embrace of our calmness.
What if you don’t die first?
Do you have a close and honest enough relationship with your children to navigate single parenting for the foreseeable future? Can you be father and mother to teenage girls or a toddler boy?
Has the possibility dawned on you that you could be the one left behind to comfort your family, in-laws and yourself? Is that tough guy personality you cherish going to be of any use when your children need someone to talk to?
Is there somebody already waiting in the wings if you were to be the one to lose your partner? Is this special lady already thinking of who is on her wedding line up? What’s the colour scheme for the decor? A three or four tier cake?
Men are boxed into predictable outcomes. Mismanage an inheritance, sleep with a junior co-worker, refuse to see a doctor until it’s too late, buy a Hilux with a down payment, die first in a marriage or relationship.
Sometimes it doesn’t quite happen this way. But today’s man spends a lifetime planning for his absence more than his presence.
Actually, life can be very long.
If you think you don’t need to step up to know your own children, build relationships with your in-laws or learn necessary skills like cooking, you will find yourself living longer than you expect.
You will suddenly need to dig deep to master money management for finances across groceries, school fees, sanitary pads, electricity, maid’s salary, hair and skin care, garbage collection, cutlery, air freshener…
The reality is you can’t sit out what you think isn’t your responsibility. Know why your wife or the mother of your children doesn’t allow them to do sleep-overs. What the monthly cost of groceries is, how long 2 litres of cooking oil lasts. Stuff.
You’re not micromanaging your partner. You’re also not planning for the worst. You’re acknowledging that this life can flip in an instant and being present in your own home, children’s lives, family, in-laws and the community is the path of the bereaved partner.
It is what determines provision and protection. Providing money for your family’s better life is bare minimum today. We can all do that, with hard work and good fortune. But being present enough today to absorb the absence of a departed partner? You have to be quite the man.
