Being a Traditional Man is An Act of Rebellion

Men will take their lovely family for a meal at a restaurant and won’t fuss about the chicken piece on their plate. A day or two later, at home, see how he becomes ungovernable after getting served with a drumstick. Man is one version in public and another in the comfort of his home. If Charity begins at home, there’s a high chance she’s a side chick with no regard for the chicken pieces she serves you.It takes centre stage at the Hybrid Roundabout but chicken is also an imposing figure in the Zambian man’s fading identity as a traditional head of the household. 

We often see our grandfathers and fathers as the image of traditional men who only lifted a finger in the house to pick t-bone threads out of their teeth with a toothpick. 

But we were not there when they had to travel for business where their wives were not there to cater to their hard guy image. Or when they would be in the bush cooking for themselves while fighting for Zambia’s liberation.

The truth is that men are hardly traditional in their thoughts, words and deeds outside their homes. Bricklayers cook their own meals on site but get home and frown about being hungry.

They will happily eat four chicken wings with their eyes closed at a side chick’s apartment but send the plate back to the kitchen when they’re served the same pieces at home. 

The same culprit and his friends will dive into a platter at a restaurant before the finger bowls arrive but throw a gargantuan tantrum for a dish of water at home.

n today’s blended world of women as bosses, well traveled partners and the middle-class family in Chalala adopting a Mediterranean meal menu, charity and tradition are finding it difficult to begin at home. 

A man is guided into marriage using the signposts of the past. There is no shibukombe, dead or alive, who can decipher a spaghetti bolognese’s symbolism in a New Kasama abode.

We used to carry the air of head of the household into the workplace, demanding tea from a personal assistant almost as if she was a second wife – in many cases, she was and became one. Now, we’re in open plan offices with a self-service tea station and water dispenser. 

Zambia still wants a traditional man who provides, leads and protects. But it expects you be open to not eating nshima every day. So good luck with a traditional man who orders pizza but doesn’t expect you to kneel when you serve him two slices. 

We will always expect a fair trade off. If you want us to show up as traditional men, you have to show up as a traditional world. 

Make no mistake about it – any home that discards the man’s duty to lead, provide and protect becomes the latest circus in town.

But there’s something about a man who has mastered how to be the head of the household and still not be in society’s choke hold.