We Only Want Change From Bus Conductors
When a man changes, it happens gradually then suddenly. The long nights drafting proposals, months in the gym, years in lecture rooms, money quietly saved, a house painstakingly built. And then everyone comes along to tell anyone who will listen that he’s changed. Bana Chinja.
That’s why as long as you’re not doing anything wrong or hurting anyone with your realigned hobbies, career, religion, relationships, or business, take people’s complaints or observations that you’ve changed as nothing more than a glowing compliment.
You’ve changed because you finally placed true value on what you do naturally. That where you used to do it as a favour, you’re now doing it to take your children to school, find financial stability or put food on the table.
Because you’ve picked the peace of sitting in your home with your family over waiting for a beer like a junkie and scrambling for a platter of chicken pieces in a packed, rowdy and expensive bar.
People say you’ve changed as some sort of insult or to derail you but it’s in your interest to take it as a compliment. See it as a glorious exit from your comfort zone.
They grudgingly say you’ve changed when they’re no longer familiar with who you become. Men must not feel ashamed of starting anew with their beliefs, career, relationships or finances if and when they’ve outgrown them.
Maybe you’ve decided to stop spending money on women to validate your self worth. Or quit drinking alcohol to save for an online course. You’ll be accused of changing by those who latched on to you for a soft life. You must embrace this insult wholeheartedly.
You’ll see the barely concealed resentment from people who were perfectly comfortable using your resources, network, talent and time for their own benefit. Cheers, my guy. You’re a lifesaver.
It’s how your workmates will have a problem with your home-cooked lunch and eating at your desk when you have deadlines. To them, you suddenly think you’re better off choosing a routine that works for you and your career prospects. Ana chinja mu guys.
But you stayed the same. Regurgitating your habit of going off for one hour of lunch and coming back at 2PM with the food you ordered to sit and eat until 3PM, letting the t-bone settle up to 4PM and then sharing memes or scrolling on your phone until its time to head into traffic.
Again. Take people’s complaints or inferred insults that you’ve changed as a compliment.
It can’t be easy seeing another man unshackle himself from limiting beliefs, friendships, careers or habits. It’s safer to label him as ‘ana chinja.’
It shouldn’t surprise you when other men are not on board with your progress. They never were.
